daily pain

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Post  Admin on Thu Jan 07, 2010 11:33 pm

I have been in pain for what seems like two life times. When I was young it was pain I inflicted on myself. Roller skating, gymastics, running, falling, dancing, I was never very graceful but I loved even the falling and the pain cuz I was moving. I was a good lil girl and only cried when I thought it would get me out of the punishment I knew I deserved. But there are days now I just cry because I am not sure what I did to deserve the pain I feel. I keep trying though to just move thru it. Moving thru pain is important. There is another side to it but sometimes it takes a while to get there. I have found my pain takes on personalities. I have a very sneaky pain that flys in stabs me and rushes out leaving me locked, every muscle screaming, rigid afraid to move incase it comes back. That is the ninja. I have a granny pain she is there allllllllll the time. Grunting and aching, twitching and clenching, but never enough to put me down, just there right below my level of quiting and taking meds. Not enough to push me to pain meds but enough to make me slow down. Enough to make me tire out sooner than I would like and just enough to where sleeping is not possible I can doze but not rest. Then there is the Matron. She is the Girdle I must wear when my back and hips are in spasms and I cannot get them to unclench. That squeezing, pinching tightening feeling till my very bones feel that they are going to crack and become crushed. She keeps my back arched and my posture a tense walk using only my legs never my back. It is her that stabs my legs as I walk. Each step is like walking on glass, my feet never bleed but the legs hurt as if they are. I cannot feel the rocks or ground under my feet but I can feel the glass I walk on.
To night tho I have taken the medication I hate and love. tonite I will rest. God willing I will sleep.


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